Growing up, I remember hearing fairy tale stories ended with; “They fall in love and lived happily ever after. The end.”
I am sure that I am not the only one who has heard these exact words before. Maybe you are someone who has told your partner that you, yourself are falling in love with them. The words “falling in love” are so embedded in our linguistic repertoire, that it difficult to conceptualize it in any other way. Have you ever thought of what it means? Merriam Webster says that falling means; to descend freely by the force of gravity, or to become lower in degree or level, to drop. Falling in love can be a bit limiting to a relationship. Instead of falling in love, lets replace the word fall with rise, let us see what happens when we “rise in love”
Instead of allowing love to be at our mercy, and let’s be honest, we can fall into and out of love pretty easily. Sometimes, we even fall in love with the idea of falling in love. Rising in love can give you the mindset of growth. In this growth we are allowing ourselves to mature and learn together. Rather than being in this all or nothing, black-and-white trajectory, being able to recognize that feelings vary. Rising in love requires us to have a lightness when it comes to finding love rather than heaviness of timelines and anxiety. It asks that we love ourselves and our lives so much that a relationship is a bonus, rather than a necessity. It allows us to have the breathing room to be open to the right relationship so that we’re not tempted to trip and fall into the wrong one just so that we can have another heartbeat to listen to when we’re falling asleep.
When you are physically falling, your body is doing nothing, but falling in mid-air. When rising, you are pushing through, you are working with a developmental outlook just like in relationships. When rising in love you have a better understanding that relationships require work. No matter where the relationship stands, you are constantly learning about your partner, this does not end once you are married or once you tell your friends you are in a relationship. Relationships will forever require the work of understanding, honesty, communication, boundaries, showing kindness and respect and compassion. Being able to truly relate to each other helps during the turbulent times and can bring you and your partner closer to one another.
Remember that you are your own person within this relationship, you and your partner can make individual choices. You are not at your partner’s mercy, nor is your partner at your mercy. In abusive and unhealthy relationships, one common question that is asked is “Who am I?”
In these relationships, individuals often struggle with holding a solid sense of themselves and their boundaries. They are sacrificing their own needs and wellbeing for the other person. Some may say, “I can’t leave this relationship, I will never fall in love again,” or “I have fallen in love with them, how do I leave?” They are trying to justify the reasons why they are staying in the toxic relationship. Rising in love can also teach us how to love ourselves, how to choose ourselves, and how to walk away in a toxic relationship.
Instead of falling I would rather rise any day, in my day to day goals, in my education, in my work, and in my relationships.
Let’s rise in love.